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Will our relationship survive if we date others? Dear Ron, I’ve been seeing a woman for about a month, and things are going well. We’re not seeing each other exclusively yet, by mutual choice, but we have been spending the night at each other’s places occasionally. We just hit our first snag two days ago. In the interest of being completely honest with her, I told her that I would have no problem telling her when I was dating someone else, and I wanted her to do the same, just so all of our cards would be on the table. She told me she thought that was unreasonable; she didn’t want to know the details of my being with someone else and didn’t feel I had a right to ask her about other guys she might date. Since we haven’t been dating very long, I guess I see her point, but if there’s a chance we’re going to make it as a couple, I honestly don’t feel that it’s unreasonable for us to be open with each other regarding other relationships. What do you say? Bill Dear Bill, I say you’re both right, but you’re coming from two different viewpoints, and that’s the real problem here. You two are tap-dancing around the real conversation you should be having, which is the feelings you both have on the defining role sex plays in a relationship. To some people it’s an intimate exchange of trust that constitutes an unspoken agreement of fidelity, one that feels cheapened and defiled if you’re making the same exchange with outsiders. To other people, sex is simply a sensuous activity to be shared safely and prudently with people you’ve come to trust after dating for a while. I suspect you’re a member of the first group and find your budding relationship a little more meaningful than she does; now you’re sensing the disparity. Talk
it over with her; communication is key to your relationship. You
may find that, through discussion and rumination, you come to see
things her way, or she sees things your way, and you’ll decide
on a mutually beneficial course. But one thing is certain from your
question; you won’t be happy wondering who else is in her bed,
even if she doesn’t give a damn who’s in yours. Match Advice by Ron © Match.com |
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