What do I do when we're growing distant?

Dear Coco,

My girlfriend, who I met on Match.com, and I live in different cities. We have been together for almost a year now, and the situation is starting to seem increasingly unreal. I wonder if we should break up.

She doesn't seem to be making much of an effort to visit me like she used to, and although we email almost every day, we don't talk on the phone as frequently as before. She says she loves me, but she recently decided against moving in with me (I can't move because my situation is less flexible than hers), and now it doesn't seem as though we'll ever be in the same place.

Losing Contact

Dear Losing,

The long-distance relationship is a contradiction in terms. At best, it is a temporary interruption of a short-distance relationship, after which time the reunited couple can resume the face-to-face business of everyday love. At worst it exists primarily in one's head, draining one's energy and bank account.

Long-distance relationships that exist primarily online are double trouble; if your love is reduced to letters on a screen, how do you know it's not just a novel you're reading? If you don't have a way of living in the same place soon and she isn't making an effort, how is she different from a pen pal?

Tell your girlfriend you're better off as friends. Then get back online and quick search for a mate, specifying that she lives nearby or is willing to relocate.

Match.com

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